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Hard Glam review

Category CFNM, Europorn, Hardcore, Network

Price

$29.99/Month

The site in question combines two of my favorite things: hard rock and glam rock! So, you’ve got bands like New York Dolls and T-Rex and The Sweet but don’t you wish they’d rock a little harder? More like MC5 or something! Yeah! Imagine Marc Bolan fronting MC5 or Phil Lynott writing songs for The Stooges. That’d be wicked! Oh…UK porn? Niche stuff and regular hardcore? Sounds all right, I guess… not as cool as Lynott and Iggy sharing the stage, but whatever.

Score

Quality 10
Design 6
Navigation 6
Updates 8
Content amount 8
Money value 7
Downloadable videos 8
Exclusivity 8
Appeal 7
Overall Score 78

Videos

Number of movies 978+
Average length 10 Min.
Full length videos YES
DRM Protection NO
Streaming NO
Download Limits NO
Video format

WMV (1920x1080)

WMV (854x480)

Photos

Pic sets 500+
Pics per set 25
Zip sets YES
High res pics YES
Model Index YES
Watermarks YES
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Overview:
The United Kingdom is known for many things – crooked teeth, the royal family’s corgis, Factory Records, spotted dick, and punk rock chief among them – but it has never been a mecca of pornographic film production. Britain, specifically, is known as being quite backwards when it comes to graphic depictions of sexuality. Coming from what has long been regarded as the most censorship-heavy nation in the western world, Britain’s print pornography was (and sometimes still is) obscured by large blue circles. Although not a native Brit, the late comedian Bill Hicks said it best: “Whaddya gotta buy the blue dot eraser separately? I’m an adult. Don’t protect me - let’s go!” It seems that in the years following the blue dot censorship debacle, UK-based pornographers have had less interference from restrictive governing bodies. One fine example is the all-UK hardcore network Hard Glam. More than just a hardcore network, every site available to members features UK babes performing all kinds of fucktastic feats with nary a blue dot in sight.

Hard Glam’s tour page gives you a rather in-depth look at the inner workings of the network. The only thing you, the visitor, are not able to do is actually view the content. You’ll see the 14 different sites included on the network – Hardcore Machines, UK Pantie Sluts, UK Foot Sluts, Big Object Sluts, Sluts in Costumes, UK Face Sitting Sluts, UK Hardcore Fucking, UK Hardcore Lesbians, UK Lesbian Girls, UK Nylon Sluts, UK Stocking Sluts, Water Sports Sluts, UK Smokey Mouths, and Only CFNM – all of which are attainable for $29.99 a month. At that price, Hard Glam better be able to deliver some fantastic footage, lest their new members revolt and start calling the webmasters things like “dirty fucker” or “fucking rotter”. Updates allegedly arrive daily and contain “super high res pictures” and “HD quality” movies. Let’s dig in and take a gander, eh guvna?

Inside the members’ area of Hard Glam is a homepage sporting a slick, modern design that serves up all the information first timers will be looking for. Image links are provided and take you to each of the 14 networked websites, a pictorial list of the latest updates offers shortcuts to new scenes, and there’s also a menu bar sitting at the top of the page which contains links to a few minor parts of the Hard Glam site. More useful is a drop-down model menu, on which I was surprised to find a few notable American pornstars – I guess they crossed the pond to see how things were done in Ol’ Britannia. The Site Stats tell us that there are currently 978 movies and 15486 images online. Not bad, especially for a region that isn’t exactly known for it’s prolific porn output. Finding content is pretty easy: just click on the site you’re most interested in and see what comes up. If you’d prefer to browse by models, you’re given that option, too.

After choosing from the 14 websites – I chose UK Hardcore Fucking – you’ll be shown a list of the site’s episodes, each of which contains videos and a photo gallery. A few preview pics give you the lowdown on what action takes place and a synopsis fills in any blanks. Some sites only offer chaptered videos, while others present single-clip scenes. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason for this, other than the running time of the scene. Whatever the case, it’s quite frustrating to find yourself forced into downloading five or six clips just to get the whole scene. Videos are all in WMV format and come in two resolution options: Standard Video, which hits 854x480 pixels, and the promised HD Video. At 1920x1080 pixels, the HD clips are incredibly high-resolution and naturally look very good. Although the colors tend to be a little washed out (England is dreary), the detail makes up for this and ensures you get a really good up-close look at these British babes as they get fucked by men, machines, women, and themselves (with the obvious aid of toys). It’d be nice to see more consistency in resolution  - some scenes are HD or SD only – as well as another format or two, but Hard Glam’s videos are, overall, quite appealing.

While Hard Glam’s shutterbugs aren’t exactly present day Terence Donovans, they do a pretty darn decent job of showing the best female forms their home continent has to offer. When viewing photo galleries, members are given two online viewing options; the thumbnails on the gallery page sit atop links to Low and High quality images that reach respective resolutions of 1200x797 and 1900x1262 pixels. These resolutions are so high that even the “Low” quality images look infinitely better than most available on other sites. It’s rare to see hardcore and fetish porn delivered in such clear, vibrant, and large images. If you’re not too keen on checking out each individual pic one-by-one on the webpage, you’re also given the option to download low and high-res zip archives, which is very helpful indeed. Really, the only disappointing aspect of the Hard Glam galleries is the low image count in each one. Averaging about 50 shots each, the galleries do seem a little bare when compared with the 300 shot galleries present on many competing sites.

Most networks try to deliver at least some bonus content, either to reward current members for their patronage, to entice new members with a ridiculous amount of porn, or to distract those who are starting to realize that the network doesn’t really offer a whole lot of material. Hard Glam falls into another category altogether: a network that is so confident in its own material that it doesn’t bother with bonuses at all. Sure, there’s quite a lot of content already online here and more on the way – updates are made every two or three days, not the daily schedule that was promised – but it’d be a great incentive for potential members who may quite rightly feel that there’s just not enough variety on hand. Membership costs $29.99 a month and that’s about $5 too much. Perhaps a trial membership would allow users to get a real taste of the fleshy UK cuisine. Until then, you’re going to have to make do with Mr. Pink’s thorough and thoughtful reviews. Pay especially close attention to the following Pros and Cons – that’s where the real nuggets of informative yumminess reside!

Pros:
- Quite a lot of niches are covered on the Hard Glam sites – from smoking and face-sitting to big dildos and CFNM (clothed female naked male).

- The HD videos look great!

- Photos, too, come in very high-resolutions and look wonderful.

- Updates, while not daily, are still quite frequent.

Cons:
- I repeatedly received 503 errors (“The server is currently unavailable because it is overloaded or down for maintenance”) while browsing. Many display thumbnails also failed to appear.

- Some of the sites contain few updates.

- Almost none of the updates are dated, making it a little difficult to figure out the exact update schedule.

- No bonuses!

Conclusion:
If there were pornographic Olympic Games, the UK wouldn’t be bringing home too many gold metals. The USA, Japan, Hungary, Italy, and even Russia are faring far better than the old John Bull. While Hard Glam presents a reasonably compelling and arousing argument for the United Kingdom’s inclusion in all global porn summits, the network doesn’t really excel in any areas, making it an unfortunately low-rating experience. There is, however, quite a bit of niche porn here that’s sure to excite the horny, slightly bent anglophile in all of us, just probably not for very long. Thankfully the photo and video resolutions are very high and present everything with great clarity. At least you’ll be enjoying your favored British content up close and personal-like.

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Review info

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