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Herzog Videos review

Category Europorn, Retro - Vintage, Video Sites, Discount site

Price

$14.95/Month

Discount

Mr. Pink's Visitors Save $15/Month

Focusing entirely on a sorely neglected niche, what it dubs "Heidi porn," Herzog Videos has for some forty years been producing Bavarian-themed hardcore movies that see blonde milk maids and mustachioed guys in lederhosen getting freaky on a mountainside, decadent mid-19th Century orgies, and even Count Dracula sinking his teeth into some Germany babes, among other things. As vintage as vintage gets, these 70s and 80s movies might look a little worse for wear, but they're anything but commonplace and a true rarity worth checking out.

Score

Quality 5
Design 6
Navigation 5
Updates 2
Content amount 5
Money value 7
Downloadable videos 5
Exclusivity 8
Appeal 7
Overall Score 60

Videos

Number of movies 70+
Average length 40 Min.
Full length videos YES
DRM Protection NO
Streaming YES
Download Limits NO
Video format

MP4 (720x576)

Photos

Pic sets 0+
Pics per set
Zip sets NO
High res pics NO
Model Index NO
Watermarks NO
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Herzog Videos review | Mr. Pink's Porn Reviews
MrPinks.com review date - 10/28/2013

Overview:
Those of us with something of a Bavarian fetish have had it pretty rough. For too long, the only outlets for our fondness for long plaited blonde hair, bust-enhancing corsetry, chilled steins of frothy bier, and the grassy snow-capped mountains of the Alps, a fondness that resulted not simply in appreciation, but in intense sexual arousal. Then, sometime in the 1970s, came Herzog Videos. From its most famous (or infamous) releases, a line of hardcore movies based on the life and sexual adventures of legendary Viennese courtesan and libertine Josephine Mutzenbacher, to lesser known gems of Bavarian sexual exploration, Herzog Videos produced hardcore movies throughout the 70s and 80s and, as far as this reviewer can ascertain, continues to celebrate the lush countrysides and villages of the Alpine region, and the sexual habits of its inhabitants, to this day. Herzog Videos' official site (which goes by that same name) promises to deliver unto its members a large helping of vintage pornography that, although infamous in certain parts of the world, has gone largely unappreciated in others. Paying $29.95 for one month of access to Herzog Videos might not seem like the most appealing porno deal to many of you, but if you close your eyes and imagine a Bavarian beauty with undulating jugs and milky white skin going down on Count Dracula himself, I think you'll agree it's one worth investigating.

Pros:
Donnerwetter! Who would've thunk there'd be a company making Bavarian-themed hardcore porn throughout the 70s and 80s (and possibly onward) and that said company would launch an online dispensary on the Stuffia network in 2013? Certainly not I, folks, and likely not you. The very fact that Herzog Videos is now online is an achievement worth celebrating.

Here at Herzog Videos you'll find a wide ranging archive of hardcore smut that includes narratives feature focusing on Count Dracula, legendary courtesan Josephine Mutzenbacher, a perverted sex therapist, milk maids, and all manner of hardcore activities from discreet blowjobs in a horse-drawn carriage to orgies in mid-19th Century palatial estates with full costume and regalia.

Although I do have some misgivings about Herzog Videos, it's well worth nothing that there's almost nothing else like this online, so if you're interested, this could be your only shot at Bavarian porn. And thanks to Mr. Pink's nose for bargains, you can now indulge for only $14.95 a month - half-price!

Cons:
This decades-old content has not been treated to a video or audio remastering; well, actually, it may have, but if so it's a pretty weak job. Videos are rife with interlacing and over-saturated colors, only reach 720x576 pixel resolutions and are sorely in need some post-production cleaning up.

Untranslated dialog, titles, and poorly translated synopses abound at Herzog. One male performer is described as "the German Ron Jeremy of the German pornomovies [sic]" while the protagonist of another scene is introduced with a delightfully nonsensical phrase, "It's really necessary for Dr. Morby!"

Scenes vary in length and can run from 10 minutes to more than 90 minutes, the latter being a full-length movie in a single scene. Scenes and movies are also posted with no dates of upload or production, no model information, and no content tags given, leaving you almost completely in the dark.

Already proving to be insubstantial with only 70 scenes available, Herzog Videos neglects to capitalize on its association with the Stiffia Network, leaving all other Stiffia sites - Harmony Vision, Fun Movies, WCP Club, Filthy and Fisting, and Porn XN - inaccessible to its members. No bonus access is granted, not even to a few simple bonus scenes.

Conclusion:
Upon first finding Herzog Videos pop up on my review schedule, I was elated. "Now here's something exceptional," I shouted from my desk, "Heidi porn!" After logging in and examining the content, though, I was disappointed to find, as you will be, poor quality videos rife with interlacing and an almost total lack of information about the movies being presented. Who are the performers, what will they be doing in a given scene, and when was said scene produced or, lacking that, when was it added to this online archive of Bavarian hardcore rarities? None of these questions were answered. Instead only more were posed. Herzog Videos stumbles around, seemingly without any focus at all, and comes off as little more than a dumping ground for Herzog's video archive (though surely not the complete one promised on tour pages). That said, you're not likely to find anything this curious and, well, alpine anywhere else in the online porn world. Herzog's movies are fun, ornate, somewhat historically accurate, and, above all, unique. And if that's not worth fifteen dollars in this era of pornographic ubiquity and homogeneity, what is?

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