Puuko review

Overview:
I’m going to make a concerted effort to not only force myself to believe that watching porn is more satisfying than real live sex but that the more fantastical the porn is, the more satisfied I’ll be. That’s where Puuko comes in. Puuko – I don’t know what it means or who runs it, but this is one site that certainly won’t suit everyone. If you don’t know what Hentai is, look it up – preferably on your trusted resource, Mr. Pink’s, not that unreliable joke Wikipedia – and your mind will be blown. Yes, this stuff exists. Yes, people beat off to it. Yes, it’s a huge industry; well, a huge small industry, I guess. Puuko looks from its tour page to be one of the more immediately impressive hentai sites I’ve come across, boasting high-resolution images and videos, doujin (amateur manga productions), straight hentai manga, and even downloadable hentai games! The teaser animation on the tour page shows a pretty interesting variety of images – two young women who can barely keep the bananas they’ve inserted into their pussies from falling out, an incredibly busty blonde wearing skimpy black lingerie and lying in a large puddle of water, a female tennis player with her racquet handle stuffed between her breasts and salivating over the thought of something mysterious – and promises “24435 megabytes” of cartoon movie updates. Make no mistake, gents, these cartoons aren’t for typical toonsumers; they’re for dirty, dirty old men like you and me who just can’t be bothered looking at women restrained by the physical limitations of the actual human form. We want the most unfathomably fuckable women ever created and this is the place to find them. I just hope the webmasters haven’t pixilated any of these cartoon pussies. That would just be beyond absurd!

The Puuko members’ area features a predictably cartoonish design with lots of bubbly banners and bright colors. There are a few menu bars to guide your clicking hand, the most important being one that gives you access to Home, DVD’s [sic], Movies, Pictures, Doujin, Games, Manga, Help, and Contact. Most of the main page, however, is taken up by displays of recent updates in all areas of the site - well, all it seems except videos. Last Cartoon Movies Updates doesn’t seem to feature anything other than a short notice telling you to click on a thumbnail and enjoy the show, but there are no thumbs. Does this mean there are no videos at all or just none that were recently added? I suppose we’ll find out soon enough but for now, lets’ preoccupy ourselves with the tantalizing, tantalicious, terrifically tasty teaser thumbnails presented in the surrounding areas. I spy cartoon tittyfucking, toy-assisted female masturbation, forced blowjobs (uh oh), and even lactating breasts belonging to the sweatiest cartoon woman I’ve ever seen. Women are tied up, held down, jizzed upon, and encouraged to get as wet as possible (and when anything is possible, as in cartoons, that’s pretty fucking wet). 

Clicking the Hentai Pictures tab at the top of the page brings you to a list of every straight Hentai gallery currently online. As there are only 19 available at the time of this review, it shouldn’t take you too long to cull the wheat from the chaff and find a few tasty morsels. These galleries present images in an equally conventional and confusing way. For some reason the standard thumbnail layout (with added downloadable zip archive) works perfectly even though many of the earlier images from a set appear to be menus of some kind. That is until you try to download a zip – they all seem to be offline! I’ve got no idea what’s going on here but it’s pretty much a waste of time to bother with these menu-ish pics. Further on, however, you’ll find some truly sick and twisted stuff. Ever wanted to see hippo-men gangbang the sexiest teen nun that ever lived? Yeah, well how about if she’s then fucked by a Cardinal composed of only a skeleton, tentacles, and multiple prehensile dicks? You’ll also see much more mundane scenes like a busty businesswoman blowing some guy on a park bench as milk spurts out of her nipples, but that just doesn’t seem as fun. Images in this section generally reach resolutions of about 800x600 pixels, but don’t let that convince you that they’re not high-quality. Because they’re all digitally sourced (or at least digitally enhanced), there’s an incredible crispness to the pictures that makes a very strong impression. That dread genital pixilation does rear its ugly head, though… I just don’t get it, man… Why can you show an obvious fuck scene involving a nun and a man-sized bat creature, his batty-minions, and bucket loads of various bodily fluids but not male-female penetration? It’s absurd! Absurd, I tells ya!

The other sections of Puuko’s image archive are presented in pretty much the same way just with slightly different style of content. The Doujin section contains around 80 manga comics in black & white and color. The Manga section, funnily enough, has pretty much the same thing again spread across 32 galleries. What variety! The games were quite troublesome and wouldn’t download for me; so unfortunately I can’t really judge their worth, only tell you that there are 22 currently online, some of them sporting the most ludicrous (and ludicrously offensive) titles you can imagine – Perverted Recollections of Sex Education, Midnight Electric Train: Perverted Woman Forever, and Prison Ship: Illegal Human Conditioning are a few of my favorites. Thankfully there is some semblance of normality here thanks to the bonus sites provided to all members. Big Tits Tokyo, Anal Nippon, Idols 69, and O Creampies are all freely accessible from the Puuko members’ area, access to which would normally cost you $29.95 a month, now down to $19.95 thanks to the concerted efforts of yours truly, Mr. Pink! Now, what do you say we figure out once and for all what makes Puuko and perhaps more importantly, Puuko’s members, tick?

Pros:
- If you like your porn ridiculously out of this world, Puuko delivers.

- If you want to see tentacles, bears, skeletal Cardinals, and human males pillage the nether regions (and wherever regions) of gorgeous cartoon chicks, Puuko delivers.

- Gallery images, especially those in the main Pictures area, look very good despite disappointing resolutions. 

- Uhhh…

Cons:
- Every zip archive of a gallery that I tried to download was a dead end.

- Image resolutions could do with a hike, that’s for sure.

- Where are all the videos? What’s the deal with the missing videos? Anyone? Bueller san?

Conclusion:
It’s hard to imagine the webmasters of a site like Puuko giving up the ghost and let the site die as miserably as it seems to be doing now. If you were going to start a site this absurd and outrageous, I wouldn’t think you’d definitely have to be in it for the long haul. Whatever the reason for all-but abandoning Puuko, the webmasters decided not to even bother leaving the videos online. It’s all static images here, folks, and let me tell you, that just doesn’t cut it. Sure, some of the galleries show things you never thought you’d be looking at online, let alone paying to look at, but that doesn’t mean it’ll get you off. If you’re a hardcore hentai devotee you’ll probably enjoy Puuko quite a lot. If not, you’ll most likely find it the biggest waste of time and money since the Ogdenville monorail.