Rockstar Pornstar review

Evan Seinfeld may be best known as the bass playing frontman for Brooklyn hardcore band Biohazard, but in recent years he has stepped back from the mic and focused his attention on his budding career as a hardcore porn actor. Under the pseudonym Spyder Jonez, Seinfeld and his celebrity pornstar wife, Tera Patrick, embarked on a acting adventure few musicians ever attempt, one in which he’s required to bare all, have sex, and ejaculate onscreen over and over again, both with his wife and other women. Seinfeld (or should I call him Jonez?) calls himself the Rockstar Pornstar and proves it by throwing his substantial frame and full-tilt attitude into scenes with some of America’s hottest porno starlets. Ladies such as Mason Moore, Jayden James, Kagney Linn Karter and Dana DeArmond certainly seem to appreciate having a tattooed, pierced, hard-rocking guy thrashing them around the bed, sofa, or floor space, wherever they happen to be. With dogged determination for superstardom and a taste for pornstar poon, Evan Seinfeld, the new Evan Seinfeld, is well on his way to becoming more well known for his adult film work than for his bass playing, and perhaps that’s for the best. His Rockstar Pornstar website is now offering High Definition video formats and, for $29.95 each month, members of Seinfeld’s site will have access to excess usually reserved for guys that can sell out Madison Square Garden or guest on an Ozzy album. Today, my friend, you are, vicariously but enjoyable, the rockstar you’ve always wanted to be.

Pros:
With a hard-rockin’ attitude, a tattoo covered body, multiple piercings, and newfound matrimonial freedom (courtesy of his divorce from Tera Patrick, Evan/Spyder is on the loose and looking to fuck, man, seriously! He’s rough with the girls and they seem to love every second of it. If this is how all rockstars fuck, groupies have good reason to sneak backstage.

Seinfeld is no slouch in the fuckable celebrity appeal department and, as a result, a very strong roster of gorgeous porno gals have lined up to be serviced by the former Mr. Tera Patrick: Heather Vahn, Asa Akira, Diana Prince, Chayse Evans, Rachel Starr, and even Tera herself.

Videos look quite good, especially in streaming formats, and especially in the streaming format labelled “HD”. Downloadable formats are limited to a maximum resolution of 720x400 pixels and are attractive without being overly impressive.

Rockstar Pornstar now updates on a weekly schedule and has built a decent collection of 79 scenes in its fairly short life online; and all of it can be enjoyed by Mr. Pink’s readers for just $14.95 a month instead of the usual price of $29.95.

Cons:
It seem much of the Rockstar Pornstar archive has been lifted from Seinfeld’s previous online adult venture, Rockstar Pimp and is not original or, come to think of it, exclusive to this site. You can replace logos all you want, Mr. Jonez, but those of us following your career know old recycled content when we see it.

Although the tour pages made numerous boasts of stunning High Definition video footage, none of the downloadable formats reach HD resolutions, instead lingering at 720x400 and aching to be upgraded. Even the supposedly HD streams only reach 960x540, not the industry standard 720p or 1080p HD resolutions.

When viewing photos in the Flash-based gallery display, the selected images appear onscreen at an unfortunately small resolution that doesn’t allow for very detailed viewing. It’s also a shame to find that there are only 16 real photo galleries on the site and that the only other still image content is made up of video screenshots.

With just a few exceptions, every single Rockstar Pornstar scene is shot in the same room, on the same sofa, with the same two gaudy backgrounds alternatively painting Seinfeld and his co-star as heavy-metal fuck-bunnies or neon-backed punk rock pornstars. Great sets, sure, but they’re getting a bit tired after so many repetitive scenes.

Conclusion:
Since last time Mr. Pink’s took a good, long look at Rockstar Pornstar, Evan Seinfeld and his crew have managed to make one very important change that could mean a whole slew of new subscribers and fans: fixing the previously sporadic update schedule. Now that new scenes are hitting the Rockstar Pornstar homepage once a week, there’s good reason to suspect that this online version of the Biohazard frontman’s adult entertainment persona is only going to improve from here on out. It is unfortunate to find a good deal of Rockstar Pornstar’s content lifted straight from Seinfeld’s previous website, Rockstar Pimp, and downloadable videos that don’t reach the much ballyhooed HD resolutions, but when the fucking is this fantastically intense, those are the kinds of things you’ll learn to forgive.