Overview:
When you think about it, the Internet is all about access. Access to information; access to not-so legally shared 2D audience cam recordings of Avatar; access to explicit hardcore pornography. The latter point is surely what most interests you, dear reader, or else you’d be hunting for the next big bit torrent compendium or scanning Anderson Cooper’s Twitter page for the latest news. Instead, you’re reading a review of a hardcore porn website, you dirty dawg, so it’s pretty obvious where your interests lie. Porn Access: the name conjures up a futuristic virtual reality where you only need to point to a place on your 360º fully immersive display and Sandra Romain drops to her knees, taking your woefully average cock deep into the recesses of her mouth. We can dream, can’t we? Instead, Porn Access apparently provides you with a pass to 1619 porn sites, 18530 porn movies, over 35 niches, almost 6000 hours of footage, and nearly 7000 GB of content. That may seem like an absurd amount of porn to some but this seasoned reviewer has seen a number of networks offering similar deals; what makes this one exceptional? Is it the presentation? The cavalcade of stars? The fact that the MILFs here appear to be “certified”? What about the advertized DVD burnable videos? Come along with your faithful smut analyst, Mr. Pink, as he ventures inside to discover what makes Porn Access so special – and hopefully cuts down on the use of third-person narrative. Man, that shit is tired!

Initially I was a little surprised that the design and content looked so familiar to me. Turns out, Porn Access and the recently reviewed DVD Box are from the same network. If you've hit up DVD Box you will know that it has a great site design that makes for easy navigation; that's in place here at Porn Access as well. Where the sites differ, however, is in the way your desired material is obtained. DVD Box lists DVDs but Porn Access shows you links niche-oriented website that in turn provide you with suitable beat-off movies. Video content is again the name of the game here, but my initial skepticism hints that Porn Access may be a little redundant with something as impressive as DVD Box already on the same network.

The left side menu gives you a healthy offering of options from which to choose: a multitude of site categories like Busty, Classic/Vintage, Interracial, Squirt and Uniform can be found by clicking the category link; there's even a number next to each one indicating just how many sites fit that criteria. 22 Premium Sites are on the network, including sites dedicated to the work of Tera Patrick, Peter North, Jenna Jameson, and Rocco Siffredi, as well as niche outlets like Barely Legal, My Best Fetish, Hot BBW, and Big Butt Brotha Lovers. It must be noted that these big name sites are only small, almost introductory versions of their actual official sites. You don’t get the full archive of Peter North’s site, for example, just a handful of his best scenes. Most of these and other sites on the network, however, are not exclusive and only provide a modest sampling of that site's full content archive. The design of many of these sites, or "zones" as they're often called, is also a bit of a let down with a cluttered and confusing layout. Even after you’ve located your preferred niche, found a site that caters to it, and figured out which scene you most want to download, you still have to deal with inconsistent layouts and video standards.

Each video link, once found, directs you back to the standard Porn Access download page, which means that the actual downloading process is the same across the board, no matter what zone your selected video is found in. Movies can be grabbed a couple of ways: firstly there's the regular download method that gives you the choice of either small or large sized WMV files. The small vids have a tiny resolution of 320x240 and are only worthwhile if you're stuck on the same dial-up line you had when you first discovered Internet porn in the early 90s. The larger file is much better and has a resolution that clocks in at around 720x528. This file approaches DVD quality but isn't quite there yet. A "progressive download," or streaming, option is also available in one size and can be quite useful if you want to watch something right away and save some hard drive space. As this is essentially a video feed site, the galleries that are sometimes provided (each with an average of 40 screenshots) can be seen as a nice bonus but nothing more. Some of the newer sites claim to offer 1080p HD content, but when attempting to download these videos, all that would transfer was a “download.php” file, not matter what method I used. Curious. Whether or not these HD videos are actually online, I can’t say for certain, but there’s no reason to think this problem is anything more than a glitch in programming; one that will hopefully be amended soon.

The methods by which you can seek out content are quite good (although the page layouts won't be immediately appreciated by most), and the video content itself is usually produced at a high quality. Like DVD Box, there is no model index; unlike DVD Box, there isn't even a drop-down menu listing all the models that appear throughout the variety of hosted videos. This makes it especially frustrating to browse the incredibly expansive network. Say you’re a big fan of Sunny Lane and, having spied her on Roller Dollz, want to sample more of her incredibly vivacious fucking; well, sports fan, you’re shit outta luck. You’re left to make your own, directionless way around the hundreds upon hundreds of sites Porn Access links to, hoping to find Sunny somewhere along the way. Not only is there that, but it’s also quite difficult to remember where you might’ve come across a particular performer or scene once you drift off somewhere else. I suppose that’s the biggest problem with a network this astronomically gigantic – it’s way too easy to get lost and, even if getting lost makes for a pretty boneriffic good time, you’re still lost.

Ultimately what causes Porn Access to suffer the most is its lack of originality. You could find dozens of other sites like this around the 'net so why should this one be the one you choose? Sure it’s huge, but size isn’t everything, no matter what the ghost of John C. Holmes tells you. Maybe some quick positive and negative points will help you make a more informed decision. That is, after all, why you're reading this review in the first place, innit?

Pros:
- The highest quality WMVs look great most of the time and there are 1080p HD videos online, too!

- A staggering collection of material is available here under a fantastic variety of niche banners. Anal, S&M, gangbang, latin, squirting, threesome… It’s all here.

- There’s so much content online here that you’ll never really run out of things to encourage some self-satisfying jerkin’.

- $5 for 30 days - for real? Man, how can you pass this network up at that incredible price?

Cons:
- Some of the sites are poorly designed and are continually frustrating because of it.

- Content often appears in more than one place on the network and can often be found in three or four! Updates are impossible to keep track of.

- Videos seem to have been pulled from all corners of the online porn arena with no clarifications given as to exactly where they originated.

- Majority of the content appears to be non-exclusive. Once upon a time, Porn Access hosted at least six or seven exclusive sites but now the premium content is merely labeled “Premium” with the word “exclusive” abandoned altogether.

Conclusion:
For some of you, my hungrier, more insatiable readers, it may be difficult to conceive of a porn network that is too dense, too fully stocked for the average porn user, but if ever such a network existed surely it is Porn Access. With an unfathomably large archive of hardcore porn videos drawn from all kinds of niche and fetish sites, Porn Access is teeming with exciting and arousing material that will surely make your lil’ fella stand up and pay his respects to the webmasters. Unfortunately, it seems like those very same webmasters that are encouraging your erect, attentive state are also guilty of neglect. They’ve neglected to keep a firm, controlling hand on Porn Access, causing innumerable navigational problems and making the whole network feel like a bit too much of a clusterfuck for my liking, albeit one filled with extremely worthwhile whack-off material. What a perplexing situation! Thankfully, it’ll only cost you $5 for a full month’s access. Man, that’s one hell of a bargain; one that easily allows you to forgive most of the site’s shortcomings.