Overview:
Freaks of Cock makes its home on the Porn Pros network – yes, the very same network that houses Cumshot Surprise, 40oz Bounce, Deep Throat Love (all of which have recently been revisited by Mr. Pink’s) as well as 25 other hardcore websites – and, as such, comes with a heavily implied promised of utter lunacy. See, almost every site on the Porn Pros network involves some sort of cartoonish shenanigans and Freaks of Cock is certainly no exception. This O.G. Mudbone fellow is downright crazy. His hilariously long (and unquestionably fake) penis runs halfway down his leg, his grill has more “gold” than a Mr. T, his direct-to-camera “booyah, bitches!” stare resembles that of Larry David’s one-time homeboy, Krazee-Eyez Killa, and like the Killa, he’s got no problem nutting in someone’s eye, as long as that someone is a reasonably sexy woman. Freaks of Cock’s tour area doesn’t just give you insight into the deranged mind of Senor Mudbone, it also promises HD videos starring some of the hottest and soon-to-be-hottest names in porn (think Gianna Michaels, Sadie West, Bree Olsen, Britney Stevens et al), outrageous scene setups, free live cam shows, and daily network updates. What could be more exciting than that? (Well, besides being the Mudbone himself, of course.)

Immediately inside Freaks of Cock members’ area lays the Porn Pros central network page, from which you’ll be basing all your navigational tasks. All of the 23 sites on the network feed their content streams through this page so you’ll never be at a loss for something to ogle. Something new does arrive on the network every weekday. As for Freaks of Cock, well, new scenes were arriving once a week up until last December, at which point they slowed to every second week; January only saw a single update, February didn’t fare much better, and now, at the time of writing (April 6th 2010), there hasn’t been anything new added to the site since mid March. I’ve no idea whether updates have ceased completely or just dropped to an alarmingly infrequent rate, but either is definitely cause for concern. Freaks of Cock and the whole Porn Pros network are both pretty easy to get around, with a good menu system and a top-notch search engine. If you mosey on over to the model index, you’ll see just what kinds of pornstars have received the Mudbone treatment. As previously mentioned, Gianna Michaels is there, as is Bree Olsen and you’ll also find the familiar faces and asses of Scarlett Pain, Renae Cruz, and Natasha Nice among others. Ava Devine even takes both Mudbone and his similarly engorged bro in the same sitting. Now that’s slutbaggery! After checking out these pornstars and the recent influx of fresh-faced up-and-cummers, you’ll have 167 scenes at your disposal and the burden of figuring out which ones to view rightfuckingnow and which ones to save until later. Lucky you.

The most recent Freaks of Cock videos are presented for download in both WMV and MPG formats at resolutions of 720x404 and 1248x700 (not exactly the 1080p HD promised, but somewhat close) while older content maxes out anywhere between 512x288 and 720x404, which is quite disappointing. You can, of course, also download individual chapters from each scene or view the whole thing via the built-in stream. The newer videos look quite good but suffer from fairly washed-out color, which is really quite frustrating as the strong colors and cartoonish visual style are what makes the still images so damn enjoyable. The ultimate letdown, however, is that the Porn Pros seem to have employed weak servers to supply smut to their members. Downloading larger files is often an arduous case of ‘wait and see’ – you’re waiting to see if the files finishes downloading or cuts off part way through, how long it takes to download, and whether the scene is good enough to warrant waiting so damn long. At this point, I’ve resigned myself to streaming most everything I intend on watching on any of the Porn Pros sites and until there’s a serious server upgrade I’d suggest any of you should do the same.

Photo galleries are, like the videos (at least, once you manage to view them) damn enjoyable and present a pretty sweet up-close view of the models, most of whom are uncommonly hot. You’re given the option of viewing each image one-by-one from your browser window or downloading a zipped archive for later use. (And by “use” I obviously mean “strokin’ it”.) The photos are well worth checking out if you’re even remotely interested in catching nice shots of the bucket loads of cum that Mudbone drenches his ladies with, and they’re far more worthwhile than the screencap gallery, which really only serves those who simply must have every single piece of material Katie Kox or Veronique Vega (or whoever) has had published online. What you’ll see after opening a gallery varies little from scene to scene, but as it’s always pretty fun and absurdly arousing, I doubt anyone will mind too much. Scenes usually start out with the donkey-dicked star and his friend/cameraman/wingman driving around, talking about various pop-culture nonsense (Tiger Woods, Michael Jackson, Lady GaGa or whoever seems to be in the news at the time) and the size of Mudbone’s dick before they pick up some girl and introduce her to said cervix destroying, freakishly oversized cock. She (the girl in question) is alternatively seriously apprehensive or uncontrollably excited about fucking such a large appendage, as would you be, no doubt.

So…what about these other Porn Pros sites? Are they worth their salt or what? Well, you’ve got Squirt Disgrace, in which dominated women are, well, badgered and fucked until they squirt all over the camera; Cumshot Surprise, which involves men creeping up on young sluts and ejaculating all over them; mature women are tied up and willingly subjected to all kinds of sexual abuse on MILF Humiliation; breast worship is the name of the game over at Freaks of Boobs and Big Handfuls; and there are plenty more absurd (and absurdly arousing) hardcore sites where these came from. A Freaks of Cock membership will cost you only $17.95 per month thanks to the sweet-as-candy deal negotiated by your trusty pornographic vizier, Mr. Pink! So, what’s the verdict? 

Pros:
- All Freaks of Cock content is 100% exclusive and only available here, folks.

- Aching to have complete unfettered access to the entire Porn Pros network? You’ll get it at no extra cost with your Freaks of Cock membership.

- The newest videos might not be the promised 1080p resolutions, but they’re still HD and they still look great!

- This shit is wacky, tacky, and totally outta control! Talk about zany porn; Mudbone takes the cake and covers it with a thick layer of jizz icing.

Cons:
- It’d be nice if O.G. Mudbone would stop thinking he’s the most hilarious guy in porn (he’s not; James Deen is), shut the fuck up, and concentrate on fucking.

- I’m all for cinematic, non-sexual introductions to porn scenes, but spending 15 minutes driving around sometimes makes these flicks feel like a really bad Richard Linklater rip-off.

- The Porn Pros servers are highly unstable and often cut off downloads partway through a transfer or take far too long to finish.

- Updates were once weekly, now it’s impossible to tell if they’ll be continuing at all.

Conclusion:
Shitty server performance, sporadic update schedule, obviously fake monstercock, and the kinda annoying host aside, there’s lots to love about Freaks of Cock. You’ve got a huge dick (and his favorite organ) doing a great job of brutally pounding unsuspecting pornstars ‘til they’re covered head-to-toe with what appears to be ejaculate; you’ve got great looking videos and beautifully dynamic photographs; you’ve even got some of the best and brightest of the porn world taking one (a huge, huge, huge one) for the team. Thankfully there are enough scenes in the archive that your $17.95 won’t be completely wasted if Freaks of Cock has indeed ceased updating. Hopefully that isn’t the case and there’s more of Mudbone cartoonish insanity on the way.