Overview:
Porn needs super-heroes, it can’t be denied. Regular pornographic performers are impressive enough for some, that’s true, but most of us want to see the absolute pinnacle of human sexual excursion. We want humungous cocks pounding perfect pussies and shooting ridiculously large loads of jizz all over an amply endowed female chest. In short: we want superhuman bodies doing superhuman things. You would think that of all the major online porn networks, Bang Bros would be the first to bring us such astonishing erotica, but the closest they’ve come so far is Fuck Team Five. Often (but not always) surgically enhanced, the ladies of Fuck Team Five alternate each scene and usually make up a trio (kind of like Ben Folds Five, I guess). What sets them apart from the guys they’ll be fucking isn’t just their obvious physical differences, it’s their sexual, erotic abilities that have been cultivated to such an impressive degree that these women are now no longer mere mortals like the rest of us but have evolved into superhuman fuck machines. This is even more obvious now that the Bang Bros have paired them up with “Average Joes” and shot video footage of the whole gangbangin’ situation. Will the supergirls out-fuck the Joes or will these average doofuses (or is that doofi?) rise to the occasion? This is drama, men! Drama!

Fuck Team Five’s tour page presents the site as an odd combination of reality-based group sex, feminist instructional sex videos, aggressive non-bondage fem-dom exercises, and pornstar vanity projects. Women such as Micah Moore, Scarlett Pain, Brooke Banner, and Natasha Nice prowl the streets for unsuspecting “normies” to seduce and hopefully have a little fun with. Some guys can’t hack the pressure of fucking a real pornstars while others manage to not only stay hard but pop off a little jizzbomb at the end, too. There’s lots of nudity and various sexual acts depicted here, including single and double cock-sucking, pussy-eating, straight fucking, and hefty load-dumping, all for your enjoyment. Updates appear to arrive every two weeks, which is a bit disappointing, but Fuck Team Five members will also have complete access to the rest of the Bang Bros network. If that doesn’t leave you grinning from ear to ear, I don’t know what will.

Inside the members’ area, you’ll find a large preview of the newest scene and smaller previews of 33 other recently added updates. With the archive currently housing 80 scenes in total (each bringing you image and video content), there’s not exactly an excessive amount of material online, but it’s certainly not entirely scant either. The rest of the Bang Bros network can be accessed via the main menu, which also gives you links to a list of network updates (usually two or three a day), a model index, member’s only deals, and a Fling-operated online dating and hookup site. An assortment of Top Rated lists and advertisements litter the rest of the homepage and act mostly as a distraction. Hitting the main Fuck Team Five updates list first is probably the best way to go about ‘putting your team on’ and making sure that forearm lift you’ve been working on has actually done some good. 

After sampling some of the updates – each one is listed with title, date, rating, and thumbnail image in tow – and deciding on one that seems raucous and racy enough for you, you’ll have to choose between viewing photos or videos. Photos are presented in a fairly traditional thumbnail gallery and can be downloaded in zipped archives just like on the rest of the Bang Bros network. Photos hit resolutions of 533x800 pixels and look very nice, if a little on the small side. A gallery of screencaps is also attached to every scene and provides you with images taken directly from the videos at a resolution of 720x406 (which I’m willing to bet is the same resolution as the videos themselves). The screencaps aren’t really all that much fun so most people will stick to the photos and video if they know what’s good for them.

Videos come in a pretty decent array of viewing options: a full-length WMV that reaches 720x480 pixels and looks quite stunning for a slightly-above-standard-definition video. Colors are bright and images are crisp, bringing you all the group action in great quality videos. There are also large and small chaptered clips, should you only be interested in part of a scene; and with intros often running well over the 15 minute mark, I wouldn’t blame anyone for cutting down on the setup and heading straight for the schtupping. Usually streaming videos don’t match the quality presented in their downloadable counterparts but in the case of Fuck Team Five they actually manage to equal their directly linked brethren - great news for those of you with teeny, tiny hard drives!

Fuck Team Five’s scenes are executed in quite a bizarre way. Take “Our Girls Like to Party All the Time!” starring Brooke Banner, Isis Taylor, and Angelica Hart: these three stunning women simply mosey on up to a guy they meet at a 7-11 and ask if they can come to his place and watch “THE BIG GAME”. Upon arrival, their less-than-courteous host urges them to mingle for a good 15 minutes until they eventually start stripping off and begging for cock. After one or two guys try their luck and can’t keep it hard in front of a camera, the host decides that he’s ready give it a go. Host Guy actually does a pretty decent job too, unloading a pretty healthy load all over Isis’ tits after plowing all three pussies; it’s just unfortunate that he looks like a slovenly Pirates of the Caribbean extra. 

All Fuck Team Five members receive bonus access to the rest of the Bang Bros network, which includes such infamous adult websites as Bang Bus, Ass Parade, Big Mouthfuls, Facial Fest, and Monsters of Cock. All in all there are 30 sites online, most of them updating once a week. Membership will cost you $24.95 a month with discounts applying for multi-month sign-ups. This site being a product of the notorious Bang Bros, how do you know they’re not just going to take your money and run rampant around Miami, bucket-bong in hand, neglecting to honor their end of the agreement and ceasing all Bang Bros updates? Well, here are a few reasons to relax (and a few that might be cause for concern)!

Pros:
- Many a premium pornstar has been involved in a Fuck Team Five sexcapade: Brooke Banner, London Keyes, Eva Angelina, and Ashlynn Brooke to name but a few.

- Navigation around Fuck Team Five and the whole Bang Bros network is a breezy affair.

- Although Fuck Team Five only has 80 episodes, the rest of the network offers thousands upon thousands of exclusive, original scenes.

- Videos, although sized a little conservatively, look fantastic.

Cons:
- Unlike most Bang Bros websites, Fuck Team Five only updates once a fortnight (that’s two weeks)!

- Photo galleries badly need higher resolution images.

- Many viewers will reject the long lead-in to scenes and end up grabbing partial-scene clips instead.

Conclusion:
Like every good superhero team, Fuck Team Five need a headquarters. Like every good superhero headquarters, Fuck Tower needs a slightly snooty butler or manservant to tend to their non-sexual needs. As my sex life is currently on the wane, I’d like to publicly offer my services. I can cook, clean, douche, and listen to stories about shitty ex-boyfriends and why you should never date “out of the industry”. I can also applaud the ladies for their commitment to exciting, innovative pornography, their voracious appetites for cock, and even their enthusiasm for the sex-less parts of Fuck Team Five scenes. Although it’d hurt me as much as it’d hurt them to bring it up, I’d also have to ask them to lift their productivity a little. One update a week won’t win them any punctuality awards, especially not when all the judges (ie: you, the home viewer) want is a constant influx of their daily adventures. Fuck Team Five assemble!