Overview:
Pablo Picasso might never have been called an asshole, but just like every other red-blooded male on the planet, ol’ Pabs sure did lust after a lot of women. I can just imagine him waltzing down The Champs-Élysées and ogling every sweet, round derrière he passes. Many of these asses would make their way into the artist’s work, others only his boudoir. In honor of the man who brought the world Femme aux Bras Croisés, Garçon à la pipe, and Guernica, let’s take a jaunt down our very own Parisian avenue and follow the Ass Parade, searching for inspiration, elucidation, and most of all a big, thick booty to sink our teeth into (hypothetically speaking, of course).

Ass Parade comes to you from the fine folks at Bang Bros – the network you love to hate. They’re such dastardly fuckers, these Bang Bros. They pick up women in their infamous bus, subject them to fully penetrative “auditions”, and even try for some uninvited anal slamming when they think they can get away with it. On their Ass Parade website, the Bros take the heaviest bottomed girls they can find, seduce them, convince them to bare their backsides, and plunder that booty for your viewing pleasure. With the tour page presenting such models as Mariah Milano, Jayden Jaymes, Devon Lee, and Alexis Texas (who was recently subject to a full Mr. Pink’s investigation of her own), you can be sure only the biggest and best butts will make it onto Ass Parade and that they’ll be treated with the utmost care and respect. Hah. Unlike some other Bang Bros sites, there’s no mention of High Definition videos on Ass Parade’s tour pages, so we can only hope and pray that this particular Bang Bros venture isn’t lagging behind the others in more ways than one. Hah.

Now that I’ve amused myself with a few obvious ass jokes and am fast running out of flowery synonyms for the buttocks, let’s log in and see what Ass Parade really offers. Ooh, check out this home page! It’s got a big display giving us all the details on the single most recent update – a dozen preview pics, the models’ names, a punny title, and a full rundown of the action courtesy of the Facial Fest gatekeeper of the entire Bang Bros empire, Preston Parker – as well as smaller displays focusing on the last ten or eleven months of updates. Considering Ass Parade has been online since April of 2004 and updates arrive once a week, that amounts to quite a hefty archive – 282 scenes, to be exact. From the main members’ page, you can also venture off into the wilds of Bang Bros Country, visiting such exotic destinations as Big Tits Round Asses, Fuck Team Five, Backroom MILF, and of course the notorious Bang Bus. There are 30 sites on the network, providing you with ample material with which to indulge your wildest fantasies. A parade of ass, an arcade of booty, a plethora of backside… whatever you call it, there’s ass-a-plenty here!

Each scene delivers three content types: a screencap gallery, a photo gallery, and the main video, which is presented in a variety of formats for your convenience. The highest quality streaming video surprisingly looks quite brilliant, with strong colors, a great deal of clarity and nice sound. Dubbed “Madman” for its 3000 kbps bitrate, this stream looks even better than the best downloadable WMV currently on offer, which only reaches 720x406; not quite the High Definition standard it claims to be. It wouldn’t surprise me if the Bros started offering 720p or even 1080p videos in the near future, but even now they have nothing to be ashamed of. This is some good shit, fellas!

Seeing as the screencap galleries don’t bring you anything you didn’t catch in the video, they’re really only of worth to content hoarders who must have absolutely everything or those who want a quick preview of the scene before they start a stream of download. Photo galleries, however, offer a slightly more glamorous and staged version of the action than the videos. With resolutions reaching 800x533 pixels, these shots look quite good, but could certainly be presented a little better. Zip downloads are now available for every update on the site, which is great news for the aforementioned hoarders; now they won’t burn their favored hand out on saving hundreds of pics before getting to the much anticipated self-abuse session!

When the camera starts rolling, you’ll be treated to a pretty standard gonzo-style fuck flick, albeit one that focuses almost entirely on the delightful derrières of the big-bootied models. There’s usually a healthy amount of ass-slapping and cheek-grabbing going on before we’re guided into a plethora of sexual positions, most of which show off the biggest and best butts in the business. Doggy, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, 69… you name it, these asses look great doing it. A personal favorite of this reviewer is when two well-rounded women get in on the action, either stacking their posteriors atop each other or kneeling side-by-side and allowing some of the luckiest bastards in the biz to move from one cunt to the other, grabbing himself a piece of booty-pie along the way. Cumshots often end up landing on said rear-ends, although it’s not unexpected to see the more traditional facial or mammarian deposit either – let’s face it, most of these bootylicious girls are stacked up above, too.

With an entire network of Bro-run sites at your disposal, there’s really not much use for any bonus content here at Ass Parade. Should you get a little tired of all this ass worship, you’ve still got a wide variety of other niche porn to take in. From facial cumshots, big-tittied broads, P.O.V, MILFs, and creampies to blowjobs, handjobs, footjobs, latinas, and assfucking, there’s not a lot on Bang Bros that won’t interest any horny porn fan or dedicated smut addict, and it all costs just $24.95 a month. Is it worth it, though? I’m inclined to say “shit yeah, dawg,” even at this point, but let’s take in a few last-minute thoughts before the final judgment and see if we can’t clear things up for our still-confused brohams out there. As always, Mr. Pink has got your back.

Pros:
- Even though they’re not exactly HD, the downloadable and streaming videos look fantastic!

- There’s enough booty meat here to satisfy the entire gallery of BET Hip Hop Awards nominees.

- Every scene pays a great deal of attention to the delicious asses recruited for the Ass Parade.

- If, Heaven forbid, you get bored of all this ass-centric porn, there’s a ton of other niche content available elsewhere on the Bang Bros network.

Cons:
- Although a trial membership is available – two days for one dollar – it will only allow those users to view the first few minutes of the latest handful of scenes.

- It’d be nice to see similar viewing options for downloadable videos as there currently are for streams. Right now, there is only one full-length downloadable format.

- A number of advertisements litter the pages of Ass Parade.

- Scenes can often take a little too long to setup and get to the action. Although I find that part of the Bros’ charm, others will definitely get bored by all the chitchat.

Conclusion:
Everyone loves a sweet, juicy ass and there are certainly plenty of them here at Ass Parade, the signature Bang Bros ass worship website. With almost 300 scenes currently online and another new one arriving every week, assmen shouldn’t find themselves in need of any extraneous rump shaking and shagging action, heading to any other similarly themed adult sites to fulfill their fix. The Ass Parade girls are gorgeous, sporting big butts, and the guys they’re paired with pay a great deal of attention to said cheeky areas. The sex is hot, the asses are hotter, and it’s all presented here in pretty swell-looking videos and satisfactory photos. Members also get access to the rest of the Bang Bros network, which is a huge incentive to join. In fact, things are looking so up here at Ass Parade (and Bang Bros in general, for that matter) that signing up for a yearly membership isn’t just a smart financial move (read: big discount, bro), but it might just mean that I’ll be popping over to your place every few weeks to get my fix! In the words of amply-assed TV food whore, Rachel Ray, “Yummo!”