Take a cute Czech woman hell-bent on getting a modeling gig, a sleazy director with nothing but nudity and sex on his mind, and a curved phallic fruit with an easily-peeled yellow skin and you've got Banana Hotties. On a seedy back-room casting couch we meet the titular women and are introduced to their desire for fame and celebrity. Then they have sex. Or they don't. Maybe a banana is involved. Frankly, it's hard to tell exactly what Banana Hotties is aiming for, but unless it's shoddy amateurish porn that wouldn't give a viagra-addict a chub, it fails.
European pornstars seem much more inclined to offer their bodies to rigorous, strenuous sexual brutalization more than fledgling American performers, and Anal Euro aims to celebrate this eagerness for debauchery with an exclusive collection of hardcore butt-fucking scenes starring the most adorable Euro hotties. Promising HD movies, weekly updates, and girls so enticing you may try to reach through your monitor to touch the soft little hairs blooming on their buttocks, Anal Euro has an implied reputation to live up to. How does it fare?
Focusing entirely on a sorely neglected niche, what it dubs "Heidi porn," Herzog Videos has for some forty years been producing Bavarian-themed hardcore movies that see blonde milk maids and mustachioed guys in lederhosen getting freaky on a mountainside, decadent mid-19th Century orgies, and even Count Dracula sinking his teeth into some Germany babes, among other things. As vintage as vintage gets, these 70s and 80s movies might look a little worse for wear, but they're anything but commonplace and a true rarity worth checking out.
Meet Justine and Diana and their website of the exact same name, Justine and Diana. They're young German women with slender, sexy bodies and a wide ranging wardrobe of sultry, seductive outfits they'll be trying on and slowly removing for your erotic entertainment. Both Justine and Diana seem to be lovely young ladies, but I'm afraid they're not terribly exciting. Do they get more exciting once you peel back the covers of their official website? That's what Mr. Pink intends to find out. Wanna tag along?
Gloryhole scenes are found in just about every adult video market, whether kink, mainstream, or extremely fetishistic. Usually, though, the women doing the sucking are hot young things with relentless sexual energy. At Mature Gloryhole, however, it's the older generations of cumsluts that are dropping to their knees to deliver deep, slippery blowjobs. Taking facial after facial until they can barely see (even with their bifocals on), these 40-something, 50-something, and 60-something knob-gobblers make a great case for visiting your local gloryhole and asking the woman on the other not to bother if she's under forty. After all, experience is what really counts and nobody is more experienced at sucking dick than the wrinkled and wanton hussies of Mature Gloryhole.
British Gals can be prim and proper and speak with an accent similar to that super-GILF Julie Andrews's, but they can also be nasty little minxes who'll stop at nothing to get their jollies. At the website of the same name, you'll find hundreds of girls stripping and posing in photo galleries that give you, the home viewer, unprecedented visual access to their pink and wobbly bits. And… oh, wait, that's it.
Sarah's got an athletic physique and a charming smile. Melli is more fully-figured, a bit chubby, but nevertheless makes quite an impression. Together, Sarah and Melli, on their so-named joint site, present would-be fans with a tempting proposition: give us twenty bucks and spend a month in our sultry company. Beware, though, fellas! Sarah and Melli have only just setup shop here and there's hardly any content online. They may look like innocent sweethearts who'd never do you wrong, but their site, it could have other intentions.
Expectations are, well, lukewarm for Teen Pink Videos as I enter my log-in details and hit the update page for the first time in what seems like (and probably is) years. What, updates have stalled? What's going on here? Must I inform my loyal readers that Teen Pink Videos is deader than Sid Vicious and Nancy Spudgen combined? Sorry, folks, but it looks that way. For more information on what exactly happened to Teen Pink Videos and what anyone signing up now is getting for their money, read on!